Hello and I am so sorry and hope he can recover in time. That is horrible to have done to anyone and then to a little boy.

You are in my prayers.

See if modestneeds.com can help with rent and or car repair.

http://help-with-rent-security-deposit-utility-bills.starshine1.aidpage.com/

http://job-ideas.starshine1.aidpage.com/

See about help with medicine from these too places.

http://www.friendsofman.org/

What Friends of Man Does

Friends of Man helps people of all ages with a large variety of needs:

    * Mobility Equipment: (prostheses, wheelchairs, van lifts, and modifications, ramps, home modifications)
    * Medical Equipment and Procedures
    * Hearing Aids, Dentures,Glasses
    * Basic Needs: Clothing for Children, Food
    * Short-term Daycare, Prescriptions, Cobra/Health Insurance
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Teraisa, don't worry! I read a lot of true crime, particularly about serial killers...I am amazed at what similarities there are between their childhood experiences/upbringing and my own. Could this have been me? I believe that I had a narrow escape from ending up like them, because (now, don't laugh) in spite of how solitary my childhood was, how completely alone I was, I had a number of dogs in my family, and they gave me the unconditional love that I craved and was denied otherwise. They taught me compassion and how to care for living things, and were always there for me. Without their comfort and love, it's scary to think what I could have become

I like the style the book was written. It actually got more into the mind of the criminal than other books that are described as such. I also like the way it described the mother's thought processes and feelings through the whole shocking ordeal. Besides the obvious victims, there is the family of the criminal that ultimately are victims also, especially the parents.

Week 2:

(I was emailed by someone that tried to help me empathize a little more with her situation and a little less mine.  This is how I responded.)

Yea, I agree... I'm getting better at dealing with it.  I just needed to know that she wasn't drunk and hoping for some action... I know it sounds horrible that I would have to ask a question like that but I feel it was essential for me to be able to help her the best that I can.  As of now (and I believe her), she felt safe with the stranger and her friend... they were both drugged, but her friend more (her friend drank most of the beer)... who ended up leaving and wondering the street.  She remembers most of it now and it was physical and she froze.  It's awful but I think we're making some headway, and fast.  I have been with her almost all day and night for the last week and we're taking some steps toward a normal week this week.  We are mostly dealing with random high levels of stress from both of us that kind of pop out of nowhere... mine because I'm angry at this guy, that this had to happen to her, and that I wasn't there to give it my all to protect her, hers are for a lot of reasons, but mostly because she wants a lot of things to just go away.  I get nervous about that, but I think I'll just have to deal with it... This should be a bumpy ride, but I've explained to her that I'm 100% committed and that she doesn't have to talk about anything anymore if she doesn't want to.  I did ask her to visit a psychatrist sometime next month when she feels up for it... and after two visits if she doesn't want to, just stop.  Do you think we're doing alright??? Any red flags???

Week 3.

   Well, week 3 seems to be going pretty well so far.  Fights and frustration seem to be giving away to understanding and some mutual respect for both of us moving forward.  There are plenty of things that I am concerned about, but at the moment I only feel comfortable voicing them with people on the internet.  I think I'll run this like a doctor visit and they ask you what's wrong... or more importantly how you've been feeling...

  I've been reading a lot about PTSD (post traumatic stress syn), and RTS (rape trauma syndrome) to find out that my GF is definitely lost somewhere in there.  I'm unsure as to discuss the symptoms (educational and hopefully comforting), problems that can arise from these trauma's going unresolved, and just general thoughts on other preductive things that can happen from this event.  I will press her again this week to go see a psychiatrist but I can definitely see it going badly (doesn't mean I won't do it!).  I lately have been really interested in her discussing her trauma with a professional because I think that she needs someone else other than me to speak to.  I get the feeling that there is a large amount of guilt in her still and I know that I can't make thatgo away.  The nicer I am, the more concerned I am... the more guilt she will probably feel.  She probably even feels that she did this to me.  Either way, I think an objective authority will be helpful for her to really release any of those deep emotions (anger, guilt, hate) before they evolve into something much more destructive.

  HIV.  She's on her 3rd week of PEP pills to help prevent the virus HIV from attacking and multiplying within her T-cells.  It seems as though there are good odds of prevention.  Unfortunately she was at high-risk, but still... odds are in her favor.  Unfortunately, we will not be able to have unsafe sex again until her last 6 month checkup.  Not so exciting... but, so far, sex is probably one of the last things we need to be thinking about.  Which brings me to my final topic.

  Sex.  We've already had sex four times (obviously with condoms and I'm well aware of the risk), but I'm getting the feeling that this will be one hell of a slippery slope for us for a LONG TIME.  Here's a little background, we have had a lot of sex in the past and neither one of us would ever been interested in changing that.  I know that she and I were very much on the same page when it comes to sex (sadly our relationship was probably 25-35% sexual connection, though we were working on that), but obviously now, this will (or may not) change.  She shows a lot of interest in her life to going back to normal and that's what I allowed her.  BUT I'm starting to feel like sex will be completely different and that she was just hoping that it wouldn't by us having sex those four times.  Also, I should say that I haven't pressured her in any way other than that she is well aware that my ex had sex issues with me and that I didn't like that.  But there is also a world of difference between sex once a week at age 28, and sex 2-3 times a day!  I don't mind at all if she wants to wait 6 months... well, maybe a little, but I'll DEAL WITH IT.  I just have no control over her head... and just hope for the best.  and if there's anything I hate... it's hope.

  I could use some thoughts about what I should do if anything about sex.  Does anyone have experience with this situation?  Are there things I have already done wrong?  Are there things that I should watch out for?  I'm actually really nervous that she'll leave me for someone else that won't know that she was raped and can live a normal life again (well, minus the huge white elephant of denial in the room) but you get the idea... Is that even realistic or am I going a little crazy too???

  Thanks anyone.

I am 20 years old, I was raped 2 years ago by an ex-boyfriend. I pressed charges but the sheriff and D.A. were crooked. They used him to thier advantage and in return dropped all charges before it made it to the State Supreme Court. The D.A. also, refused to give me a Protective, or Restaining order. Now, 2 years later, I have started to move on with my life and he called me. I have not slept in 2 days, it feels like he raped me all over again. I need support and advice from people who have been there. Please help!

PTSD, Rape, and Sexual Abuse

Reposted with permissions. (Thanks Joanne)

Post traumatic stress disorder is not just something that war veterans get.

Learn about the symptoms and treatments for PTSD, and how it can affect all areas of the sufferer's life.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Rape, and Sexual Abuse

The estimated risk for rape survivors developing post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is 49%. The risk for those beaten or experiencing physical assault is 31.9%, whilst the risk for others who experienced sexual assault is 23.7%. Given these figures, it is no wonder women are more likely to develop PTSD than men, as they are statistically significantly more likely to experience sexual assault.

Post traumatic stress disorder is characterized by intense fear, a sense of helplessness, or horror. It can affect all areas of a person's life, their emotions, mental wellbeing, and physical health. And symptoms are generally worse in situations, like rape and abuse, where the trauma was deliberately initiated against those involved.A person with post traumatic stress disorder may re-live the traumatic events, having flashbacks or other reminders and images that intrude on their waking hours, or in dreams and nightmares. These reminders may also trigger physical symptoms, such as heart palpitations or chills. Or emotional problems, like anxiety, depression, and dread.

People with post traumatic stress disorder may avoid any reminders of the trauma, whether that is people associated with the experience, or places, or even thoughts of the trauma. They can distance themselves from family and friends, and withdraw from everyday activities and things they used to enjoy.Relationship problems are common for survivors of rape and sexual abuse. Some survivors avoid intimacy, others avoid sex, and some avoid both, and create patterns in their lives where those coping mechanisms are maintained. But sufferers of PTSD who did not experience any sexual abuse can also have problems in their relationships, or in social situations.

Another characteristic of post traumatic stress disorder is being on guard all the time, and suddenly feeling anger or irritability. There can be problems with sleeping and concentrating, and sufferers may be startled easily. Self destructive behaviours, such as gambling, risky sex, drug use, alcohol abuse, or other problems like dangerous driving, may be present. Depression, disassociation, or other mental health problems can develop.Not all of these characteristics may be present in PTSD, and the degree to which one experiences them may vary also. And PTSD may not develop until months or years after the trauma. Particularly in relation to abuse in childhood, symptoms of PTSD can pass, then reappear later in life. This can make it difficult to recognize when PTSD is occurring, as survivors may not associate their current feeling and behaviours with past events.

Each time symptoms appear, however, they provide an opportunity for healing. Post traumatic stress disorder can be treated, using a combination of medication and psychotherapy.Whilst medications were not thought to help in the treatment of PTSD in the past, they have been found to be beneficial now, probably due to newer ones being available. The SSRI's (selective serotonin uptake inhibitors) zoloft and paxil are both approved by the FDA for treating PTSD. And newer antidepressants like effexor and serzone are also beneficial, and tend to be used when the patient does not tolerate paxil and zoloft, or those medications aren't effective.There are 3 types of psychotherapy that can be used to treat PTSD. These are exposure management, cognitive therapy, and anxiety management. A combination of all 3 may be used, or one individually.

Each person is different in what they will respond to.In exposure therapy, patients confront, in a safe therapeutic environment, the situations, people, and memories associated with the trauma. People with PTSD usually avoid this very thing, but by working through the trauma in this way, exposure therapy is actually very effective at healing PTSD.Cognitive therapy helps in the process of understanding how our thoughts affect our feelings, and provides ways of shifting negative thinking.

Negative thinking can perpetuate a mental prison where joy and interconnectedness is no longer felt. Changing those dynamics can provide a new framework with which to process the trauma, and allow healing to occur.In anxiety management, skills are learnt that help one cope better with the symptoms and triggers of post traumatic stress disorder. They can help reduce the intensity of the symptoms, though they need to be practised to be effective. Anxiety management techniques can be very helpful in controlling anxiety whilst doing exposure therapy. Some techniques used include relaxation, breathing techniques, assertiveness training, and positive thinking and self talk.


References:1. ptsdalliance.org/about_what.html2. ptsd.factsforhealth.org/whatmeds.html3. nimh.nih.gov/publicat/anxiety.cfm
Article Health and FitnessRebecca Prescott runs the article directory By Rebecca Prescott
Published: 6/23/2006 ..

A Huge Thanks for bloggin on RASA Survivors!!  I agree with you on the fact that in  your situation you are still being victimized, I am sorry, I had no idea.  Anything, I can do let me know, although I know that may be of little help.  Thank you!

RASA Survivors, like me, was born out of horrendous reasons, but does tremendous reaching out to people who have no clue where to go, who to trust, how to go on, and more. Unless you are a victim, you really have no idea how tough it really is. For one thing, take everything you ever learned about justice and throw it out the broken window. The legislatures MEAN well, but without consistent following through and penalties that match the crimes - until we rate humans higher than material possessions -it's a failed system. In fact, the majority of really bad crime, happens after the victim finally puts their proverbial foot down. A protective order, for instance, will hurt the victim if it's not been obtained in a court of law, however for the victim, it can mean an abuse sentence or much worse.



The number one cause of death to pregnant women? Their husbands or boyfriends. Yep. And God forbid the kids see it or live it, was well.



Let me introduce you to RASA Survivors. Many of you know I have a technical problem with the term "survivor" instead of victim, but the point is what matters (for those wondering... yes, I survived my two rapes by the same man who molested at least one of my daughters in five different jurisdictions, but at what cost? It's been eight year and we are still in court, we still are unable to move anywhere without permission. Each ring of the bell, knock on the door can start it all over. We have stalking and harassing going on sometimes 24 hours a day, which includes veiled death threats in our local paper and on his public community blogs. We are victims. We may always be. We haven't survived, we only lived through it and deal with it again and again, every single day. The term survivor is to push us away. We don't ask why the perp gets a lawyer and not only do we not get one, but we aren't even in charge, were are but "MERE WITNESSES."



I could go on... but I am exhausted. No sleep. I'll be back. In the meantime, check out my new friend's website, blog, and information.



"RASA Survivors was created for survivors and secondary survivors of Rape and Sexual Assault. NOTE: I said SURVIVORS!! Although victimized, we have survived and this site is for survival techniques and ideas. Friendships, formed from a positive light rather than a focus on negative memories from your incident."

Wow, thanks for this!  If this book was able to make you see things differently, then maybe it is worth a read.  Thanks! =]

Wow. That is absolutely amzing...and scary.

Could This Be Me?

 by Teraisa J.  Goldman ©1999 to NOW

 Imagine my surprise--horror, really--to find I have the same type of tendencies as Richard Daniel Starrett (Danny), a serial criminal serving five life sentences or more

Here is a young man, raised in a good home by a traditional moral two parent family. His parents show love in front of the children and have enviable careers. Except for headaches, there is nothing wrong nor unusual about Danny. He is the favorite child of his parents and his siblings.

Yet, a day came when his family got a call they will never forget. Danny was a fugitive and wanted by the police for kidnapping and rape (later they would learn there were several of these crimes committed, as well as murder).

Danny was married and had a daughter. He worked hard and made good money. What went wrong? His subsequent arrest and confession surprised and shocked his entire family. A Stranger In the Family, written by Steven Naifeh and Gregory White Smith (authors of The Mormon Murders *) was not the most memorable book I ever read, but it was the one that most made me identify with the bad guy.

This is scary. Normally, when reading, I may think I am a bit of an oddball simply for enjoying a well written crime book, but to identify with a killer? Oh boy!

Many times, we can place ourselves in the victim's shoes and ask questions--what would I have done? What could have been done differently? But how often do we put ourselves in the criminal's shoes? Rarely, I bet.

You know why? Because to do so would be admitting we could do something heinous like torture or kill. And we would not do that. We could not. Right?

I am not so sure anymore. While I do not think there are many people such as Danny in this world (a possible multiple personality disorder and definitely obsessive compulsive person), I do believe we all have the capability in us to commit serious criminal acts.

Think back to the Donner Party or the doomed soccer players trapped in the snow and wilderness, death staring them in the eyes while the bodies of their dead friends are close by. Death by hunger is eminent and lingering heavily. Nothing could convince me any ONE of these people would have ever thought they could do the unthinkable and eat the flesh of another human (much less a human they knew) a month before it actually happened. But they did, and by doing so, they saved their own lives.

I know under normal circumstances and conditions I would never dine on my friends to save my life, even if they are dead. But those are not ordinary times. Situations develop and happen.

"Teraisa," you say, "you are talking about something different. Those weren't crimes."

True. But they are inconceivable acts.

How about this scenario: A woman kills a man while he rapes her. Or: a stranger enters your house and creeps into your children's room. Startled and alerted to the intrusion, you load your gun...

As you are forced to defend yourself, you can suddenly become a killer. A forgivable one, but a killer nonetheless, by doing the inconceivable.

By using these particular stories of cannibalism and self defense, I am merely showing you it is possible to do the unthinkable.

"To save your life, sure, that's another story altogether," you point out. "It's still not the same."

You are right. It is not the same. We are driven to the same conclusions, though, as the murderer when the situation calls for it and when we can justify it.

This is what makes and keeps us different. We can commit the most inconceivable acts, but only under the right circumstances.

But as I read this book, I found something else that made me like Danny. Danny said he did not want to do these things, he explained that he had to do them. At first, his crimes seem to be an uncontrollable impulse, but later in the book, he lets us in on his other personality. Do not worry, I do not have another being living in me (I doubt Danny does, either), but I do have uncontrollable impulses.

I have to work at all times. If I am at a red light, I sort through my mail. A wait at the doctor's office allows me to balance my checkbook. Forget television, I cannot sit still long enough... unless I am folding laundry or writing a letter, that is. And yes, I am the person you heard about who makes lists of things to do while in the throes of passion.

It drives my family crazy. It drives me crazy. I tried to be different, but learned it was easier to live with it than to fight it.

So, now, I have to wonder, I know I am capable of committing inconceivable acts and I am aware I am obsessive compulsive. Could I have done what Danny did?

------------------------------------------------------------

The Author notes:

I would never kill anyone unless in self defense, or in defense of another human being. I believe those that kill for any other reason must have a psychopathic disorder (AKA sociopathic). Psychopaths know right from wrong, but consciously they choose to follow a sinister path. Their crimes are often likened to a sport and decidedly NOT defense. The real difference between he and myself--or you? We are not morally insane.

*This is an excellent book, the information revealed in it caught me by surprise.

My sister is in a bad situation also and needs help.  Maybe these two single parents can live together and help each other out.  Can you please e-mail me at charpitt64@comcast.net.

Thank you.....Charlotte

Just recently a rapist moved near my home, so I thought it would be a good idea for me to learn how to keep my children and myself safe and to share this information with others as well.

Find out if there is a sex offender living in your area

National Sex Offender Public Registry

No rape prevention strategy is foolproof. But you can avoid making yourself an easy victim by taking the following precautions.

Protect yourself against rape

"Every woman is a potential rape victim. Rapists tend to look for women who are more likely to be easy victims. But there are things women can do to protect themselves and reduce the risk." — Andrea Parrot, rape expert

The Oprah Winfrey Show How to Protect yourself

Every woman, no matter where you live or who you are, is at risk. Thousands of rapists remain free and continue to attack because their victims don't report the rapes. Just as author Andrea Parrot says, "Victims don't ever deserve the crimes committed against them." Victims are also instrumental in preventing numbers like these from growing.

Rape Facts

Rape and sexual assault are widespread problems. The use of psychoactive drugs makes a dangerous situation even more dangerous.

Protecting yourself from date rape

There are many misconceptions about sexual offenses, sexual offense victims, and sex offenders in our society. Much has been learned about these behaviors and populations in the past decade and this information is being used to develop more effective criminal justice interventions throughout the country. This document serves to inform citizens, policy makers, and practitioners about sex offenders and their victims, addressing the facts that underlie common assumptions both true and false in this rapidly evolving field.

Myths and facts about sex offenders

Rape is a violent crime, an invasion, a frightening experience. Rape affects all women, no matter what their age, race or economic status. All women are potential victims of sexual assault.

More Rape Prevention

~*~

What to do if you have been Raped

Find a counseling Center in your area

~*~

I have hung the picture of the rapist who moved in on my refrigerator, though my kids know to stay away from strangers I have made it clear they stay further away from this man. They aren't even allowed to go down his street.

I am posting this asking for any help or resources for my best friend. She is an amazing proud 24 year old single mother of a 3 year old daughter. She is divorced from the father of the daughter who was extremely abusive. He is an Iraq veteran and now a jobless drug addict. He pays no child support and is living in his parent’s basement. While visiting her dad the little girl was sexually abused (by her uncle) recently according to child protective services and due to her young age there is not solid enough evidence to charge anyone with a crime. Her mother who is a 2nd year full time college student has had to move back into a small room in her parent’s house with her daughter. She is at risk of having to drop out of school due to her overwhelming debt accrued during the divorce by her dead beat ex. She had to run up credit card bills to buy formula and diapers for the baby.

She is in a debt repayment program already and paying 250 dollars a month to pay off around 9,000 in credit card debt. She also has a 188 dollar a month car payment on a car that she needs to be able to get herself to school and her daughter to daycare. Her daughter is enrolled in a head start school program for at risk youth that allows mom to go to school during the day. She does not qualify for welfare because she would have to work full time. If she worked full time she would have to drop out of school and then start paying off yet another monthly bill of student loans that would be of no value as she does not have a degree yet. Her daughter would then also not qualify for daycare and she would end up having to pay full price for it.

Her parents are poor and unwilling to help and want her out of the house soon. She thought about selling her car so that she could save money but she would not be able to commute from where she is to school and daycare and the value of the car is only about half the total left to pay it off.

If she files for bankruptcy I think she will lose the car that she needs. If she works she would have to pay for daycare as family will not watch the child and the cost of daycare I think is too high. She is also very worried about the negative impact her parents are having on her mother/daughter relationship as anytime she tries to discipline her daughter her mother undermines her authority. Her mother also fills the grandchild up on sugar and lets the kid stay up until midnight. This makes it impossible for my friend to get her homework done as her mo0ther yells at her to take care of her daughter, but then gets mad when she makes her go to bed. My friend’s mother is an extremely conservative woman who feels that going to school is the wrong thing and that she should drop out of college because it is not the right thing for a woman to do. She is trying to sabotage her daughters fight to succeed as a single mother.

My friend has two cavities, and needs glasses and does not have any medical insurance. She found out that she may even be getting a bill for 1000 dollars for bringing her daughter to the emergency room in regards to the sexual molestation by the uncle.

My best friend has had a very hard life, father left mom at the age of 10 for another man, molested by people her whole childhood, and first raped at age 14 and repeatedly over her teen years. She is worried about her daughter falling into the same horrible problems. I am trying to find sources of help for her so that she can succeed in providing a better life for her daughter than she had. I myself am helping as much as I can, which is not much being a student myself. She is a very determined woman going to school majoring in sociology so that she can get a job making a difference in those less fortunate. It is extremely hard for her to ask for help, so I am for her.

Looking for a helping hand with:

1. Dental care

2. Glasses

3. Medical bill for child

4. Help paying off credit card debt

5. Money for rent or school

6. Daycare assistance so she can work more

At this point every little drop in the bucket can help; clothing is the one thing that they have plenty of as it seems to be the only easy help to get.

is it not much but there is freecycle.org thats gives away unwanted items clothes anything poeple don't want i know it is not alot but maybe it would help alittle good luck and god bless Jen